By Rori Raye
The main problem women write to me about is that the man they love
has suddenly pulled away - sometimes for good. If you've experienced
this or are going through it right now and you want to get your
boyfriend back, you know how painful, hopeless and frustrating it feels.
Your first instinct is an urge to lean forward and do whatever you
can to keep your man from slipping away. And I'm going to tell you that
you need to let him go, as horrible as this sounds. You need to let
him go, because if he is the right man for you, you can get your
boyfriend back with the three steps I'm about to go into. If he's NOT
the right man for you, then here's the news you will appreciate down the
road when you DO meet Mr. Right - he did you a favor by going away, and
you learned something incredibly valuable in the process. So here are
my three steps on how to get your boyfriend back:
Step 1: Lean Back
The very first thing you need to do to get your boyfriend back is
resist the powerful urge to run after him, call him, text him, send
messages to him via friends and family, or show up at his door. As I
said above, this is going to feel really difficult, but you MUST do it
if there is any hope that you will get your boyfriend back.
We women tend to think that giving and giving to a man will bring him
closer. And this includes doing things like checking up on him to see
how he's doing. It's what I call “overfunctioning”. Don't do it! A
man is accustomed to valuing what he has to work for, so if you put in
effort and make it easy for him, he will actually value you less. We
work hard because we think that if we don't he'll assume we don't care
enough about him, and he'll go away. But this is simply untrue. If you
lean back and let go of the reigns, you give your boyfriend the chance
to see what it feels like to be without you, and if he's worth it you
will get your boyfriend back. Remember this: men commit to you not
because they want to be with a woman, but because they can't stand to be
WITHOUT you. Let him feel what it's like NOT to have you in his life.
Step 2: Open Your Heart
The next thing I want you to do is to stop running from your painful
emotions and embrace them. We women tend to stuff down our emotions for
fear that a man will get scared by them and run away. But the real
truth is that men LOVE our emotional nature - it's drama that they can't
tolerate. When we learn to get in touch with our feelings and express
them in a non-judging, non-critical way, a man will not feel blamed and
will feel COMPELLED to open his heart to you.
And you don't need a man in your life to learn how to do this.
Instead, practice “framing your feelings” with everyone you meet and
even on your own. Start right now by asking yourself what you feel.
Then say it out loud. Say, “I feel shaky,” or “I feel sad,” or “I feel
happy just looking at that flower over there.” Practice this everywhere
you go, and it will become natural to you in days. Then when you talk
to the man you love, use this new way of expressing your feelings.
You'll notice a miraculous change in the way he connects to you and
opens his heart.
Step 3: Love Yourself
Right now, remember how you were when you and your boyfriend first
met. Where you obsessing about him? Where you calling him incessantly?
Of course not. Chances are, you were focused on your OWN LIFE, and
this was very attractive to him.
Take this opportunity to get back in touch with you and fall in love
with the woman who attracted him rather than spending your time thinking
about how to get your boyfriend back. Get busy with your friends, your
interests, and the things that make you YOU. Remember: you can lose a
man, but you can NEVER lose yourself. If this man is worthy of you and
is the right man for you, I guarantee that when he sees you are
focusing on your own life he will realize what he's missing.
Keep leaning back, opening your heart, loving yourself… if he's Mr Right, you'll get your boyfriend back.
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